Nicole vs. Life
she looked like the before picture.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
