You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
