Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
