i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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