So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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