Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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