And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
