I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize