I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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