I hate all girls vehemently.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
