When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
