tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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