My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
