My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
