Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize