I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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