got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
