My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
