I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
