drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there was a trapeze. enough said
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
