You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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