a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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