That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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