if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
