Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
