I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
