Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
