it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I puked a lego.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
