The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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