My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize