I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize