I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
