There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
