You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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