Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams