You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this