hotties wanna shake it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it