we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.