I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
