we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
