i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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