Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
