just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
