It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
