Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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