Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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