I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
