its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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