how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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