people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
