Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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