One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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