The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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