My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
