i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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