# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
