I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
