just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
