just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
