epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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