i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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