Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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