So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
