How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
