actually, I'm a sock model
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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